


Fatherhood

by blk0912



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Barson, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:00:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28497954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blk0912/pseuds/blk0912
Summary: Noah wants Rafael to be his father, but doesn't think he wants to be.
Relationships: Noah Porter Benson & Olivia Benson, Rafael Barba & Noah Porter Benson, Rafael Barba/Olivia Benson
Comments: 6
Kudos: 65





	Fatherhood

**Author's Note:**

  * For [StillNotMeShh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/StillNotMeShh/gifts).



> This is yet another story I didn't plan on writing, but I was talking to my barson friends on Twitter and asking them for reasons why Noah would call Rafael. Sandra suggested a parents' day and then the story just kind of happened from there. So this is for her. 
> 
> As always, I hope you all enjoy! 😊

Looking down at the paper sitting on his desk and listening to his teacher explain all the activities that were going to happen on parents' day next month, Noah frowned. He was sure his mom would take the time off to be there, and it wasn't that he didn't  _ want  _ her there, it was just she wasn't the  _ only _ one he wanted to attend. 

* * *

His Uncle Rafa and his mom had been seeing each other for over a year now, and they spent the majority of their nights together, but he didn't want him to just be Uncle Rafa anymore. He did all of the other things his friends' dads did, just without the title of 'dad' and he was beginning to worry that it wasn't something the older man wanted. 

* * *

After tucking the paper into his backpack, he put it on and followed his classmates out the door. When he got outside, he looked around for Lucy and started to worry when he didn't see her. Then he saw his mom and grinned as he ran over to her. 

"Mom!" He said excitedly as he hugged her.

"Surprise," Olivia said with a smile. "Uncle Fin sent me home early, so I thought I'd pick you up myself."

Noah giggled. He knew his mom was his Uncle Fin's boss, but he also noticed a few years ago that his honorary uncle had a knack for knowing when people needed to take advantage of being able to go home early or take an extra day off, and that people didn't usually argue with him about it. 

"Is Uncle Rafa coming over tonight?" He asked as they began to walk. 

"I think so. He's still busy at work, though."

"Oh."

"Is everything okay, sweet boy?"

Noah shrugged and then decided to just tell his mother what was on his mind. "I want him to be my dad," he said softly. "But I think maybe he doesn't want that."

Olivia knew that wasn't true, but also thought this was a conversation Rafael and Noah should have just the two of them. 

"What makes you say that?" She settled on.

Noah shrugged again and sighed. "He does all the things for me that my friends' dads do for them...but I don't have a dad...and I only want Uncle Rafa to be my dad. But he's never asked me if I wanted to call him 'dad'. He calls me  _ mijo _ , though, and I know what that means. But Miss Sanchez said that sometimes it's used as a term of...af-fec-tion and it doesn't always mean someone wants you to be their son…" Noah said, his rapid thoughts causing him to speak faster than normal. 

Olivia wished Rafael was here with them right now. She knew he loved Noah and didn't want to pressure the boy into calling him 'dad' if he wasn't ready. 

"I think maybe this is something you and Uncle Rafa should talk about together," Olivia said, squeezing his shoulder before taking out her phone and sending a quick text to Rafael, asking him what time he thought he'd be done that day. 

* * *

Staring at the text from Olivia, Rafael immediately began to worry. She would have told him if something was immediately wrong, but he wondered if maybe she was having doubts about their conversation from the previous night about moving in together. It didn't make any sense for them to pay for two apartments when they spent the majority of their time together. He usually stayed at her place as that was easier with Noah, but both Bensons had things at his apartment, too. 

Looking over his work, he realized he could do everything he needed to do at Olivia's, so he packed up what he needed and headed out. He smiled a little at the surprised look on his assistant's face when he instructed her to hold all non-emergency calls for the rest of the day before taking out his phone to let Olivia know he was on his way.

* * *

When he walked into Olivia's apartment, he was surprised to find that Noah was not in his usual place at the coffee table. The boy often preferred that spot, whether it was for coloring, crafts, or Lego. He even often did his homework there as well. He and Olivia had even joked about making a sign that said "property of Noah" for the table. 

"Hi," Olivia greeted softly. He noticed she was holding a piece of paper in her hands that she seemed to be looking sadly at. "You didn't have to rush home."

Rafael took off his coat and jacket before taking a seat next to Olivia on the couch and leaning over to kiss her in greeting. "I didn't. I realized that I didn't need to be in the office to finish my work, so I decided to leave early while I had the chance."

Olivia rested her head on his shoulder and handed him the piece of paper she'd been looking at. 

"Parents' day?" He asked, unsure where this conversation was going. 

"Rafa, I think you need to talk to Noah. He's convinced himself that you  _ don't  _ want to be his father, that you don't love him that way. I could have tried to tell him otherwise, but he needs to hear it from  _ you _ . He loves you so much."

Rafael pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I love him, too. Are  _ you _ still sure you want me to be his father?"

Olivia smiled, then stood and grabbed something out of her bag before returning to the couch. "I went to see Rita a few days ago. I, um, well, I thought since we've been talking about moving in together and even getting married, that your role in Noah's life should be official, too. There's  _ no one _ I trust more than you, Rafa. I know you love us and you would do anything for  _ our _ boy."

Rafael held his breath as Olivia opened the envelope she'd gotten from her bag. When she handed it to him and he read the words at the top, PETITION FOR ADOPTION, he felt tears well in his eyes. 

"I love you," he told her before leaning forward and pressing his lips to hers. "I would love to adopt Noah. However, I need to hear from  _ him _ that this is what he really wants."

Olivia smiled and nodded. "He's in his room. You two should talk."

Rafael brushed his lips with hers once more before he stood and walked down the hall to Noah's room.

* * *

Sitting on his bed, holding Eddie tightly, Noah was surprised to hear a knock on his door and then find out it was Rafael, not Olivia. 

" _ Mijo _ , what's wrong?" Rafael asked, sitting next to the boy on his bed before pulling him onto his lap and hugging him tightly. 

Noah couldn't stop the tears from falling as he cuddled with Rafael. After a few moments, he tried to speak. "Why don't you want me?"

Rafael rocked the little boy back and forth as he continued to hold him tightly. "I  _ do _ want you,  _ mijo _ . I love you so much. I didn't want to pressure you or make you uncomfortable. I want to be with you and your mom every day. You know I have a picture of the three of us on my desk and I look at it every day?"

Noah looked up at him in surprise. "You do?"

"Yes. Remember that one on the carousel that Uncle Sonny took?" Noah nodded. "He gave me a copy and I put it in a frame so I could have it on my desk. Whenever I feel like I might not be able to accomplish something or I'm doubting myself, I look at the picture and I'm reminded of how much you and your mom believe in me. I remember all the fun we have together and how much I love starting  _ and _ ending my day with the two of you."

"You can do anything," Noah insisted. 

Rafael pressed a kiss to the top of his head. "I appreciate the vote of confidence."

"Why do you call me ' _ mijo _ '?"

"Because I love you and I'm hoping one day that you'll want me to be your dad. I didn't have a very good dad myself, and I never thought I'd have any kids of my own, but then I met your mom and you, and I could see a future with the three of us together. I've loved you both for a long time."

Noah's eyes widened. "You  _ want _ to be my dad?" He asked a little incredulously. 

Rafael smiled tentatively as he nodded. "I'd love that. If that's what  _ you _ want?"

Noah cuddled close to him again as he tearfully nodded. "Yes, please."

Rafael pressed another kiss to the top of Noah's head and continued to hold him close. "So," he began a few moments later. "I heard something about parents' day at school?"

Noah looked up at him hopefully. "It's next month. Will you be there?"

"If you want me to be."

"You  _ and _ Mom?"

"Sure. But I need to know the date so I can put it in my calendar and make sure nothing else gets scheduled that day."

"It's on the paper I gave to Mom."

“I’ll make sure to have Carmen clear my schedule.”

Noah smiled and nodded, then asked his next question. “Are you going to move in with me and Mom?”

“Actually...your mom and I thought it would be best if you two moved in with  _ me _ . But if you want to stay here, I’ll move in here. As long as I’m with you and your mom, that’s all that matters.”

“I like your apartment…but am I allowed to think about it?”

Rafael nodded. “Absolutely. It’s been awhile since we spent some time there...and tomorrow is the last day before a long weekend for you. So maybe we could spend the weekend at my apartment? You should have both places fresh in your mind to make the best decision.”

Noah giggled and nodded. “Okay. Will you pick me up from school?”

“I’m sorry,  _ mijo _ , I’m in court all day tomorrow, so I can’t,” Rafael answered. At Noah’s frown, he continued. “But I promise to look at my schedule and find a day when I  _ can _ pick you up. Okay?”

“Okay,” Noah agreed, snuggling into Rafael’s chest again. “I love you, Dad.”

Rafael smiled, pressing a kiss to Noah’s head. “I love you, too,  _ mijo _ .”

* * *

When Rafael and Noah didn’t return to the living room after nearly half an hour, Olivia decided to check on them. Setting her book on the table, she padded down the hall to Noah’s room and smiled when she saw Rafael and Noah cuddled close on the little boy’s bed. Rafael was listening to Noah read from his book, correcting him when necessary and encouraging him when he felt the boy needed it. 

“I see how it is,” she teased as she approached and took a seat on the other side of Noah. “Reading without me.”

“Dad is helping me,” Noah told her with a smile. 

Olivia looked over his head and met Rafael’s eyes, which she noticed looked suspiciously wet, and shared a smile with him. “Can I just listen, then? No one reads to me anymore.” 

Noah giggled as he nodded, briefly leaning into his mother’s side for a hug before continuing the story. 

* * *

The rest of the night was spent with both Olivia  _ and _ Rafael helping Noah with his homework, only briefly stopping to eat the pizza they had ordered. Once the happy little boy had fallen asleep, Olivia and Rafael cuddled together on the couch.

“So,” Rafael began as he played with the ends of Olivia’s hair. “Noah and I thought we should spend the long weekend at my place.”

“You talked to him about moving?” Olivia asked in surprise.

“I’m sorry,  _ mi amor _ , it just kind of came up. I told him he could choose...and that if he wanted to stay here, then I’d move in here. This is the only home he’s ever really known.”

“He likes your place, too.”

Rafael pressed a kiss to her temple. “I know. That’s why I suggested we spend the weekend there. It’s been awhile since we spent any significant time there. I thought he should have both places fresh in his memory.”

Olivia smiled, placing her hands on either side of Rafael’s face before leaning in to brush her lips with his. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Rafael replied, resting his forehead against hers. “I just want to be wherever the two of you are.  _ That’s _ my home.”

Olivia blinked back tears. Rafael’s devotion to her and Noah never failed to make her a little emotional. For a while, she had thought she would never find someone to share her life with. Then Rafael, with his intelligence, snarky comments, and penchant for snacking, came into her life and they’d grown close due to their work. He became her best friend, her confidant. Somewhere along the line, they’d fallen in love. 

Neither could pinpoint  _ when _ exactly it had happened, but they didn’t care. They were together now, their bosses having been surprisingly understanding about their relationship and allowing them to continue working together, and were co-parenting Noah as well. They had also been discussing marriage and possibly even adopting another child. 

Olivia was brought out of her thoughts by Rafael saying her name. “Livia,  _ mi amor _ , it’s getting late and we both have to work in the morning. Let’s go to bed.”

Olivia smiled and nodded, letting Rafael pull her off of the couch and down the hall to  _ their _ bedroom. 

* * *

The morning of parents’ day, Rafael had a last-minute meeting with McCoy and was hoping it wouldn’t make him too late. He had done his best to reassure the little boy that he  _ would _ be there, but he knew he would still worry. As McCoy continued to drone on, Rafael tried to discreetly glance at his watch. 

“Somewhere you need to be, Rafael?” McCoy asked.

Rafael grimaced. “I’m sorry, Jack. I promised my son I would attend parents’ day today…and I’m already late.”

“Why didn’t you say that when I called you this morning?”

Rafael raised an eyebrow at him. “Because you don’t say no to a meeting with the DA.”

McCoy rolled his eyes. “ _ Go _ , Rafael. We’ll continue this tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” Rafael replied gratefully, quickly gathering his things and making his way out the door. 

* * *

Walking into Noah’s school, Rafael quickly located the boy’s classroom. The door was open and it didn’t take him long to spot Noah and Olivia. He did his best to make his way over to them quietly, but Noah was so excited to see him that he immediately jumped up and met him half-way, wrapping his arms tightly around his waist. He ran a hand over Noah’s hair and sent his teacher an apologetic smile. 

“You must be Noah’s father,” the young woman said with a smile as she approached. “I’m Noah’s teacher, Valentina Sanchez.”

Rafael kept one arm around Noah as he reached out with his other hand to shake Valentina’s hand. “Yes. Rafael Barba.”

“We were just about to start Spanish class,” Valentine told him, smiling as she realized that the Uncle Rafa that Noah had been talking about was the same man who was now his father. “One of Noah’s favorite subjects.”

“Come on, Dad,” Noah said, taking his hand. “Mom saved you a spot.”

“I’ll give you a couple minutes to get settled,” Valentine said before turning to the rest of the class and instructing them to take out their Spanish textbooks and turn to a particular page. 

* * *

As he followed Noah to his classes, Rafael was able to meet the rest of his teachers. He kept an arm around Olivia and shared smiling looks with her throughout the day. The school had planned shorter versions of each of the classes so that they could spend the afternoon at the small festival that had been set up outside. 

“What do you want to do first,  _ mijo _ ?” Rafael asked, taking the boy’s backpack from him. 

Noah scanned the various activities before settling on a ring toss. 

* * *

Once the afternoon was over, Rafael settled Noah in his carseat while Olivia put their prizes on the seat next to their boy. There were two new stuffed animals, some ribbons, and a picture of the three of them that Miss Sanchez had taken when Olivia (unsurprisingly) got the high score on the water gun shooting game. 

* * *

“Did you have fun today,  _ mijo _ ?’ Rafael asked as he put Noah to bed later that night.

Noah smiled and nodded. “I’m glad you and mom were  _ both _ there.”

“Sorry I was late.”

Noah shrugged. “You weren’t  _ that _ late. Mom said you had a meeting with your boss.”

Rafael nodded. “I did. Actually, we’re finishing it tomorrow because he let me leave early so I could make it to parents’ day.”

“So you have to leave early in the morning again?”

“Yes. But I’m not in court tomorrow, so I should be able to make it home for supper. Then I’m picking you up on Friday, remember?”

Noah smiled and nodded. “You and Mom are both picking me up so we can go see the judge.”

“That’s right.”

“Mom said I get to leave school early that day, too.”

Rafael chuckled, leaning down to press a kiss to the boy’s head. “That’s right.”

Noah closed his eyes and hugged his stuffed elephant tightly. “I can’t wait for Friday,” he said sleepily. 

“Me, neither,  _ mijo _ ,” Rafael whispered. “ _ Te amo mucho _ .”

* * *

Crawling into bed beside Olivia, Rafael pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. 

“You okay?” Olivia asked, realizing he seemed a little more emotional than usual.

Rafael brushed his lips with hers. “Just really happy.”

“Me, too,” Olivia confessed. 

“Are you still happy with the decision to buy the house instead of choosing one of our apartments?”

“I am. It’s a little longer commute to work, but it’s worth it. It really feels like  _ our _ place.”

Rafael pressed a kiss to her temple. “I agree. Noah told me he can wait for Friday.”

Olivia smiled. “Me, neither. I can’t wait to be your  _ wife _ . For you to be my  _ husband _ and for Noah to officially be  _ ours _ .”

“Sounds perfect.”

Olivia cuddled with Rafael in silence for a few minutes before she remembered a phone call she had gotten earlier that day. “So...do you remember how we talked about maybe adopting another child someday?”

“Yes…”

“...what if that day was sooner than we thought?”

Rafael pulled back a little to look at her. “Tell me,  _ mi amor _ .”

“Rita called. She said there’s a little girl, she’s four years old. Her parents were killed in a car accident when she was about a year old and she’s been in foster care ever since. No one has been able to find any family and she can’t seem to find a foster family that wants to keep her. She speaks English  _ and _ Spanish. She said  _ we _ were the first people that came to mind when she heard about the girl. Rita said she’s very sweet and her biggest wish is to find a family to love her.”

Rafael’s heart broke for the little girl. He knew what it was like to not feel loved as a child. His mother and grandparents had loved him dearly, but the rejection from his father still stung. He vowed to  _ never _ make Noah, and any future children he and Olivia might have, feel that way.

“I’ll call her after my meeting with Jack. Maybe we can set something up so we can meet her, spend some time with her.”

Olivia smiled and nodded, giving him a kiss before laying back down in his arms, dreaming of a little girl she could call her own.

* * *

It took nearly two weeks, but Olivia, Rafael, and Noah were finally able to meet the little girl Rita had told them about.

“Rafael, Olivia, this is the child I was talking to you about,” Rita began. Looking down at the little girl, she asked “Can you tell them your name?”

“Miranda,” the girl replied. 

“She looks like  _ you _ ,” Rafael whispered to Olivia as he took in the girl’s brown hair and eyes that were strikingly similar to Olivia’s.

“I’ll leave you four alone for a little while. Call me if there are any problems, otherwise I’ll be back to check on you in a while.”

* * *

After spending nearly two hours with Miranda, Olivia and Rafael were both sure they wanted to take the little girl home with them. However, they wanted to make sure Noah was okay with it, too.

“Is Miranda coming home with us?” he asked as he approached them.

“Would you be okay with that?” Rafael asked.

Noah nodded. “I like her.”

Olivia chuckled lightly as she pressed a kiss to her son’s head. “Dad will call  _ Tía _ Rita, then.”

* * *

****1 year later****

“Daddy.”

At the sound of the small voice, Rafael opened his eyes. Green met brown. 

“Come here,  _ mija _ ,” he said softly, trying not to wake his sleeping wife and son next to him as he lifted the comforter to allow the little girl to cuddle close. “Do you have Lovey?”

“Yes,” Miranda confirmed, closing her eyes as she felt Rafael wrap his arm around her. 

Rafael pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “ _ Te amo _ .”

Miranda smiled and snuggled closer to her father. 

* * *

When Rafael woke again a few hours later, he now had both children cuddled against him. Turning his head toward the ensuite bathroom, he saw Olivia walk out with a smile on her face.

“You all looked so comfortable, I didn’t want to wake you.”

“How did I end up with  _ both _ of them?”

“I’m not sure. I woke up and you were on your back with Miranda on one side and Noah on the other.”

Rafael hugged both of his children close to him as he smiled at his wife. “Thank you for my family.”

Olivia carefully leaned over their daughter to give him a kiss. “We were all meant to be together.”

“Even better.”


End file.
